Loving yourself completely – everyone talks about it, but it’s not that simple. It can even build up immense pressure. Wouldn’t it be a start to make friends with yourself?


  • Why is self-love so hard?
  • To love each other or to be friends with each other?
  • 6 Tips to Strengthen Friendship with Yourself
  • Why self-friendship is an important foundation for relationships

Accept yourself with all your weaknesses! Love yourself! Embrace your inner child! Yes, the topic of self-love is on everyone’s lips and seems to be a worthwhile goal. Countless guides try to convey to us that we can only have a happy relationship with ourselves and others if we love ourselves despite all our “flaws and faults”. But let’s be honest: With all the quotes and advice about self-love, don’t they also feel a hint of self-optimization mania? The fact is: There is no patent remedy that makes it so easy to achieve one hundred percent self-love. And that is also a very high demand, which can build up quite a lot of pressure, especially in serious life crises. Instead, how about more self-acceptance and a gentler view of yourself? For this reason, we want to do a bit of advertising for self-friendship in this post.

Why is self-love so hard?

Self-love is often propagated as the basis for many things in life and yet many people find it difficult to love themselves as they are. But why is that?

I’m sure you’ve heard of the so-called inner critic. If a good friend has a mishap, we encourage him, according to the motto: “This can happen, next time it will work better.” We often judge ourselves or our critical inner voice much harder than other people. We expect much more from ourselves and criticize ourselves more fiercely. Therefore, instead of the broad concept of self-love, it can help to start with self-friendship. Because if we take a kind and gentle look at ourselves, it too can give us comfort, appreciation, support, trust and courage at all times.

To love each other or to be friends with each other?

“Love and friendship are not the same in the relationships between two, as well as in the relationship with oneself. Self-friendship is less prone to passionate exaggerations and allows more distance to oneself,” says the German philosopher Wilhelm Schmid in his book “Self-friendship – how life becomes easier”. He argues that self-lovers strive for perfection and perfection and thus sooner or later run the risk of being disappointed in themselves.

His diplomatic counter-proposal is – as the book’s title suggests – self-friendship. It’s about perceiving yourself in its entirety, accepting yourself and knowing that you can rely on yourself – even if your inner and outer circumstances are far from perfect. Sounds a bit more humane, doesn’t it?

But how do you become a good friend to yourself?

6 Tips to Strengthen Friendship with Yourself

    • Go on a solo date!
      If you spend time with yourself, you can better feel inside yourself and pay attention to your needs. If you can take yourself out for a coffee or a walk, you make yourself more independent of others and thus strengthen your self-confidence.
    • Make a note of the challenges you have overcome in your life that you are proud of
      A simple tool to increase self-esteem and resilience. Alternatively, at the end of the day, you can write down what you did well.
    • Cultivate a new error culture for yourself
      No one is perfect. Keep reminding yourself that mistakes are human and that doesn’t make you any less lovable. Failure can be an educational experience and provide opportunities.
    • Surround yourself with people who are
      well-disposed towards you
      After a meeting with friends or family members, feel inside yourself: who gives or robs you of energy?
    • Ask for help and accept support
      You are always available for the people around you and are happy to help. But does that apply to you? A lot of things feel easier when you know you don’t have to do it alone.

Watch Your Thoughts
Tame your inner critic and consciously steer your inner dialogue in a positive direction in difficult situations. You may also be able to do this with mantras or affirmations (e.g. “I can do this and believe in myself” or “I am not my thoughts – I have faith, everything will be fine”)

Why self-friendship is an important foundation for relationships

Every relationship with others also reflects the relationship with oneself: If we treat ourselves lovingly, we are more benevolent with others and instinctively feel which people are good for us and which we would rather not have in our lives. People who are connected to themselves and have a healthy self-esteem are more likely to choose partners who are capable of committing and have healthy relationships and marriages.

Based on how we treat ourselves, how we listen to our needs, set boundaries and live in accordance with our values, relationships with other people also show up.

If we don’t treat ourselves well, we may not allow those around us to do the same. It is not uncommon for us to find ourselves in toxic work environments, accepting unhealthy family dynamics or
toxic partnerships

Is that your topic right now? We at Liebling + Schatz will be happy to accompany you in advising you from couple to couple or individually in dealing with yourself and your partnership in a self-honest way. Based on our years of practical experience, we know that in this way it is possible to improve the quality of the relationship or finally attract the partner who suits you. If you would like our support, contact us!

Would you like to learn more about couples therapy with us? Then feel free to take a look

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