The feeling of “being seen” is fundamental to relationships and our well-being. If it gets lost in everyday life, it has the potential for conflict, especially in love relationships. How can we succeed in receiving more positive attention and meeting our counterparts in the same way? Liebling + Schatz knows what to do.
Content:
Why is the feeling of being seen so important in a partnership?
Appreciation in the relationship: Small gesture, big effect
The gratification crisis in relationships: When give and take are out of balance
What everyone can do for themselves
Practical tips: How to strengthen emotional closeness in the relationship
Why is the feeling of being seen so important in a partnership?
In every interpersonal relationship, there are needs that are deeply rooted inside. One of them is the need to be seen and perceived – not only with the eyes, but with the heart. This need plays a central role, especially in a partnership. Because when we really feel seen by the person we love, emotional closeness, security and connection arise. And you may already have guessed it: It’s not just about attention in everyday life – the last piece of cake that was simply eaten without being asked, the lovingly prepared dinner that has to wait again because the other person still has something to do, or the socks that never find their way into the laundry basket.
Those who feel seen experience themselves as meaningful and accepted – exactly as they are.
Appreciation in the relationship: Small gesture, big effect
Closely related to this is the appreciation in the partnership. It is not only shown in great proofs of love. Often it’s the little things that count:
A sincere “thank you”, a loving look, an interested sentence like “How are you really?”
When we regularly convey to our relationship person that what this person does and is is valuable, we foster a deep emotional connection and mutual recognition.
A lack of appreciation, on the other hand, often leads to:
- Emotional distance
- Misunderstandings
- Withdrawal or resignation
- Low self-esteem
The gratification crisis in relationships: When give and take are out of balance
An important aspect that is often overlooked is the so-called gratification crisis in the partnership. This term describes an emotional imbalance between effort and reward – that is, between what you give and what you get back.
In many relationships, one person bears a greater share of responsibility over a longer period of time – emotionally, organizationally or in everyday life. However, if these efforts are
Typical signs of a gratification crisis:
- They give a lot, but get little in return.
- They feel emotionally drained or overwhelmed.
- Their needs are hardly noticed.
- You feel like your efforts are a given.
What helps in a gratification crisis?
- Talk openly about your feelings, without reproach. Use “I” messages such as: “I would like more recognition for what I contribute.”
- Reflect on your relationship together: Is the emotional balance still there? Who gives what – and gets what in return?
- Introduce gratitude rituals, such as naming three things you appreciated about each other at the end of the day.
- Set clear boundaries when you feel overwhelmed and take care of your own emotional health.
What everyone can do for themselves
If you want to be “seen” by your counterpart, feel free to reflect on the appreciation of yourself. If we expect the other person to meet all our needs and make our lives precious alone, we are even doing an injustice to those around us. Therefore: Take yourself seriously!
Take responsibility for yourself and your needs.
It’s never too late to start. What can that look like in concrete terms?
- Check in with yourself regularly.
Ask yourself several times a day: How am I doing right now?
What do I need – physically, mentally, emotionally? - Set priorities.
What is the most important thing at the moment? - Take action.
Consider: How can I now ensure that this need is fulfilled myself?
Important at this point: We do not want to deny you the (lack of) appreciation in the partnership. Anyone who suffers from this because he or she has not received recognition and respect in the partnership for a long time and in several areas should send a clear signal.
Practical tips: How to strengthen emotional closeness in the relationship
If you don’t feel seen in your relationship, it can be frustrating at first – but also an opportunity to restore more appreciation and emotional closeness. In practice, the following methods have proven successful:
1. Listen consciously:
Don’t interrupt, don’t offer solutions directly – just listen and be there.
2. Questions that create connection: Ask questions like:
- “What is on your mind right now?”
- “When did you feel happy today?”
- “What do you need from me right now?”
3. Create rituals for closeness:
A weekly walk, an hour without cell phones or an evening together with real conversations – small rituals promote emotional connections.
4. Express gratitude:
Make it a habit to regularly tell your partner what you appreciate about him or her.
5. Don’t forget physical closeness:
Touch, hugs or long eye contact have a bonding effect – especially in stressful times.
6. Offsetting does not lead to any further:
Don’t get caught up in thoughts about how little appreciative, respectful, or grateful your partner is. Such thought spirals only increase your anger. This often leads to accusations – which in turn easily trigger a counterattack. Dissatisfaction grows and the relationship cools down. A change of perspective, for example through moderated discussions in couples counselling, can help to resolve pent-up anger and find a more constructive way of dealing with the situation.
Being seen is not a luxury, but a principle of love
Feeling seen, understood and valued is not a “nice to have”, but a central element of any stable and fulfilled relationship. If this feeling is missing, it is worth taking a closer look: Where has the balance been lost? How can we find each other again?
Whether through more mindfulness, open conversations or small gestures of love – emotional closeness can be cultivated and deepened. After all, a relationship in which both people really feel seen is not only stable – but also vibrant, fulfilling and growing.
Are you stuck and want more depth and real connection in the relationship again? If you would like our support with your individual topic, please feel free to contact us!
Would you like to learn more about couples therapy with us? Then feel free to take a look here .
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