“We have somehow grown apart” is not uncommon to hear when a couple sits in front of us in the practice. In most cases, there is no major conflict behind this, but something that we observe again and again in couples counseling: a creeping loss of emotional availability. When a couple no longer reaches each other emotionally, distance is created – even if you still spend a lot of time together physically. Would you like to find out how you and your partner can find each other again? Liebling + Schatz knows what to do.
Content:
- What does emotional availability mean in a relationship?
- Emotional connectivity – the glue of connection in relationships
- Why a lack of emotional accessibility creates distance
- Signs that the emotional connection is missing
- How to strengthen your emotional connection
- Result
What does emotional availability mean in a relationship?
Emotional availability describes the ability to perceive what is going on in the other person and at the same time to be open about one’s own feelings. So it’s not just about being physically present, but about being really present inside.
Typical characteristics of emotionally available people are:
- real listening, not just on the side
- Interest in the other person’s feelings
- sharing one’s own emotions – even small insecurities
- Allowing closeness without having to play everything perfectly
If this emotional accessibility is missing, the feeling often arises “My partner is no longer really there.” Many also no longer feel seen in the relationship. This is exactly what leads to distance.
Emotional connectivity – the glue of connection in relationships
One term we often use in counseling is emotional connectivity. Sounds complicated, but it’s actually simple: It means that the other person’s signals reach you – and vice versa.
If a person is emotionally connected:
- she reacts to feelings
- shows understanding
- opens up for talks
If this connectivity is missing, signals will come to nothing. You feel alone, even when you’re together. Many couples then say that they simply no longer felt connected.
Why a lack of emotional accessibility creates distance
When emotional availability decreases, the following often happens:
- Conversations remain superficial
- Conflicts are not resolved
- Misunderstandings are piling up
- Withdrawal and uncertainty are increasing
- Closeness and trust are lost
In short, the relationship feels empty – and you don’t understand why until late.
Signs that the emotional connection is missing
If you recognize yourself in the following points, your relationship may no longer be as emotionally relatable as it could be:
- Conversations about feelings are avoided
- Everyday conversations are nice, but without depth
- Criticism or defense instead of understanding
- The feeling of not being heard or seen
- Little response or real closeness
- Permanent stress in the relationship
Important: These signals do not necessarily mean a separation, but they show: It is time to work on emotional accessibility.
How to strengthen your emotional connection
The good news: Emotional availability can be trained. In couples counseling, we often recommend the following steps:
- Perceiving what’s going on
The first step: Recognizing where distance patterns lurk.
- Expressing feelings
Only shared feelings can be answered.
- Being vulnerable
Small, honest insights – such as “I feel insecure right now” – create real closeness.
- Listen properly
Don’t offer solutions immediately, but first understand them.
- Rituals for closeness
Short daily check-ins or a joint ritual strengthen the emotional connection in the long term.
- Open up to outside help:
Couples counseling creates a safe space where you and your partner can learn to reach each other emotionally again. Old patterns become visible, new ways of communication are practiced – and many couples realize that the relationship is more stable than they would have thought.
Result
Relationships rarely fail because of a lack of love – usually because of a lack of emotional accessibility. Those who learn to be emotionally connected open the door to closeness, understanding and real connection. This is the basis for happy, stable partnerships. Do you feel that you want to tackle the topic in your relationship and find your way back to each other? We will be happy to support you in this.
Would you like to learn more about couples therapy with us? Then feel free to take a look here .
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