Small steps can often have more of an impact than big resolutions – this also applies to relationships. But how exactly do the so-called “Tiny Habits” help couples to change their behavior in the long term? Liebling + Schatz clarify.
Content:
- Why is it so difficult to change behavior in relationships?
- Tiny Habits: Small Habits Instead of Big Promises
- Why small steps are so effective
- Why couples often underestimate mini-steps
- Result
Many couples come to our couples counseling with a great wish: “We want to change something.” More closeness, less arguments, better communication, understanding for each other again. What they often underestimate is that it is not the desire for change that is the problem – but the way to get there. This is exactly where the great effect of the Tiny Habits becomes apparent.
Why is it so difficult to change behavior in relationships?
Behavioral patterns are deeply rooted in partnerships. Reactions, words, withdrawal or criticism often happen automatically – especially in emotional moments. Couples usually know very well what is not going well. What is missing is a realistic strategy for how change can succeed in everyday life.
Typical thoughts from our practice are, for example:
- “I would have to behave completely differently.”
- “My partner should finally change.”
- “We’ve already tried so much – nothing lasts long.”
! However , it is important to understand that great resolutions often fail because they simply demand too much in everyday life.
Tiny Habits: Small Habits Instead of Big Promises
This is exactly where the Tiny Habits method (known from the social scientist Dr. BJ Fogg) comes in. The approach is especially valuable for couples because it takes pressure off the change process:
Change is made so small that it is really feasible .
In couples counseling, for example, this means:
- instead of “We need to communicate better”
→ appreciative feedback once a day - instead of “I should be more empathetic”
→ 30 seconds of non-stop real listening - instead of “We need more closeness again”
→ a little touch a day
These mini-steps seem inconspicuous – but they change relationship patterns in the long term.
Why small steps are so effective
1. They reduce resistance: The smaller the step, the less inner defense is created. Change doesn’t feel threatening.
2. They create a quick sense of achievement: Couples experience: “We can make a difference.” This strengthens trust – in oneself and in the relationship.
3. They change relationship patterns in the long term: It is not individual conversations that change relationships, but new habits in everyday life.
4. They promote motivation instead of excessive demands: Motivation does not arise from pressure or insight, but from the action itself.
Why couples often underestimate mini-steps
If you’re thinking:
- “That’s far too little.”
- “We won’t solve our problems with that.”
- “We need something more fundamental.”
You are not alone in this – these are often the first reactions in our conversations. But relationships do not change through great insights alone, but through repeated, new behavior. Small steps don’t immediately seem spectacular – but they seem stable.
Couples don’t have to be more motivated, loving, or understanding.
They have to start – small enough that they really do it.
Conclusion: Relationships grow through small habits
If you want to improve your relationship, you don’t need radical changes or perfect communication. What is needed are concrete, small steps that have a place in everyday life.
Tiny Habits show couples:
- Change can be easy
- Relationship management begins on a small scale
- Sustainable closeness is created through repetition
- and this is precisely where its great effect lies.
Would you like to change your relationship step by step? In couples counseling, we support you in developing concrete Tiny Habits that really fit into your everyday life and strengthen your relationship in the long term. Contact Feel free to contact us!
Would you like to learn more about couples therapy with us? Then feel free to take a look here .
Photo credit: Unsplash/Jonathan J. Castellon
