Members of a family live almost simultaneously on different levels, depending on the role in which they act. This is sometimes quite difficult.
The individual level – the role as an individual
Even in a partnership, in a family, everyone remains an individual, an independent person whose interests, wishes and preferences must be respected. These include, for example, friendships that are cultivated individually by the woman or man. At this level, the boundaries with the partners are open, everyone can make contact and maintain relationships both externally and internally. Being a man is nourished by men, being a woman by women.
Possible loads:
- Individual roles are lived too intensively. (“We never do anything together!)
- Individual roles are lived in different ways. (“You don’t have time for me, your friends are more important to you!”)
- Individual roles are hardly lived anymore. (“I want to do something on my own again!”)
The couple level – the role as
a partnerAt this level, individuals become a couple. This is where all the activities that the couple does together as a couple are located. This subheading also includes the couple’s privacy. The couple level is therefore demarcated from the outside world and from the family, contact with others from this role should preserve the couple’s privacy.
Possible Loads
- The boundaries of the pair level are not respected. (“You tell your friends (parents) all about us!”)
- The couple’s boundaries are too exclusive (“We always do everything together!”)
The Parent Level – The Role of Father/Mother
This level arises for a couple when they have children. Inevitably, they become father and mother. This parent level is clearly demarcated from the pair level. This means that the parents only make contact with their children as father or mother, their couple level is withheld from the partner. Danger! The children are raised to the couple level.
Possible loads:
- Mixing of the couple and parent level. (“I can talk to my son/daughter about anything, he/she understands me better than my husband/wife!”)
- Abandonment of the couple level in favor of the parent level. (“We only do everything with the children!”)
Children’s level – the role of son / daughter
At this level is the place of children in a family. Children must not be lifted out of this level, for example to the couple level. At this level, like the individual level, contact is possible on all sides.
